Sealing Wax in Salarjung with the sweetipies of Hyderabad!

2008-02-04T20:23:00.000-08:00

This Story Is About Truth
This Story Is About Beauty
This Story Is About Freedom
Above All Things This Story Is About Love
Truth - Beauty - Freedom - Love - an experience you won't forget!

- Moulin Rouge! (2001)

The 'Dwoss' Arriveth in the City of Nizams!

So my friend Dwoss was here in Hyderabad to pay me a weekend visit from Mumbai.

I'd set my alarm exactly at 0615 hrs - the scheduled time of his flight's landing at Begumpet airport. At 0610, he gives me a call on my mobile - which he knows is on roaming and with very little balance (and he obviously was aware that he did have the option of calling me on our accomodation centre's landline number which he did not stating that he was not too sure where I was or some such c*%#!) informing me that he was already almost on his way out of the airport as the flight was before time, and so I had to rush up to get ready. You can always trust these airlines to provide extra service when it is least needed - at 0610 when even the sun had not risen here!

Anyways, as planned we were to meet at Panjagutta. I managed to hop onto one of our office cabs going in that direction from my office right opposite my acco (I dunno why I have an eerie feeling that the transport supervisors may have mistakenly formed an impression that I had logged off at that time and needed to head home before I would probably drop dead after a long night). Please note my categoric assertion that I DID NOT put in any efforts to instigate any such illusions in their minds - I just innocently stood there and mentioned my desired destination, though I'll be magnanimous enough to admit that I did not put in any extra efforts to make them realize their goof-up, - it just broke my heart to ruin their entire day by pointing out an error at the very start of it - God only knows how many such sacrifices I'll have to make to ensure this nasty world becomes a 'Best Place to Bank' - er sorry!!, I really meant Best Place to Live'.

At Hyderabad Central:

So there he was waiting, pacing up and down in front of Hyderabad Central, with a Samsonite rucksack on his back, which seemed so heavy that I could not fathom what on earth he could have brought for just a one-and-a-half-day visit,but I decided it would be wiser to wait and see. As is customary, to reassure him how much I still care for and love him, I hurled myself on him and gave him a bear hug which he tried in vain to fervently avoid, albeit with a passive acceptance! We have known each other for the last 13 years, and have been with each other through some of our best and worst times. We graduated together from SXC, Calcutta (I WONT MENTION THE YEAR!), did our post graduations from the same institute, and started our careers in the same organization. Most importantly, in the last so many years - we have shared, fought, supported , cursed, listened to, quarrelled, been with, been away from and spent time with each other. The dandy has of course apparently moved on to some very adventurous circles (with whom he apparently enjoys smoking pot and some other such stuff), but am sure 'Strawberry' still reigns supreme in a special way in his heart.

Anyways - coming back to last Saturday, his first comment to me was 'Father of a son, and still claiming to be 'Strawberry' online' or something to that effect. I had done a lot of online research the night before (utilizing my new self-developed insomnia to the fullest) on the possible places to visit in Hyderabad. The winner was the Birla Temple - not because Dwoss had suddenly decided to go religious contrary to his atheistic outlook, but only because at 7 in the mo' that was the only place we could while away till we had more options.

Chandler: Oh, yeah, I'm a gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I've missed the last... twelve hundred times.

- Friends

Almost bursting at the seams to prove his credentials as a Mumbai Marathon runner, Dwoss immediately suggested that we should rather walk the line -er sorry - the distance, and that my bulging belly (which by the way is not at all that bulging - only a wee bit - you know- healthy) needed me to undertake such expeditions. And here started our trysts with the 'sweetipies' (s.p) of H'bad! We just had to give a hint of a suggestion to a passer-by that we were trying to find our way to the temple, and the s.p's would almost escort us till the threshold. Dwoss's adventurous spirit provoked him to halt midway at a decrepit, seedy looking, bacteria infested road side eatery ambitiously named 'Omega' Restaurant or something, (I am convinced the genesis of such an inappropriate name was not because of the owner's affinity for Greek symbols but rather some foreign tourist who on seeing it must have shrieked in horror 'O Ma Gawddd...' - sounding akin to O-me-ga - which the proprietor mistakenly interpreted to be some sort of an outlandish compliment!!).

Dwoss's gym-toned body (which by the way we both concur has become my latest reason for insecurity) demanded some intake of food - so he had a plate of emaciated and rock-hard samosas with a cup of sand coloured fluid advertised as 'tea'. Just to ensure that he did not feel left out and alone, I forcefully gave him company by making myself gobble just about two -or was it three? - of those samosas - See, yet another sacrifice :-(

We proceeded on our way to our divine destination, which is on the top of a small hillock in the middle of and overseeing the city. Needless to say we encountered several other s.p's of H'bad on our way - each sweeter than the previous one, so we just could not lose our way even if we tried. In the meantime I tried to squeeze Dwoss to share details about his personal life - especially his plans to get married etc.etc., to which he replied in his distinct off-handed and neutral non-commital style, saying neither this nor that as usual. Interestingly he did admit that my friend Br$^#@ somewhat had appeared to him as a romantic possibility, but then I myself have been extremely disappointed with that holy cow appearing increasingly incomprehensible and needlessly enigmatic with every passing day. Oh God, that's another loose end which only I'll have to tie up for the sake of both of them.

Grandpa: Losers are people who are so afraid of not winning, they don't even try.

- Little Miss Sunshine (2006)

We climbed up our way to the top of the hillock - which true to its identity of being a Hindu hotspot, was littered with hundreds of shops selling millions of religious trinkets, and from one of these wafted the strains of the holy 'Gayatri' Mantra - 'Om bhur bhuva svaha - Tat Savitur Varenyam - Bhargo Devassaya Dheemahi - Dhiyo yo Na Prachodayat' being played on a tape recorder. To my utter surprise, Dwoss was all excited on hearing it, claiming it was a Kannadiga bhakti geeti he always heard being played at the temples of Bangalore when we used to stay there. I just HAD to explain to him that this was actually a Sansrit mantra worshipping the Sun God or rather the Sustainer of this Universe. Obviously, Dwoss is rather more at home with 'Across the Universe' - his latest obsession since he saw the film based on the Beatles songs.

I must mention that on our way Dwoss found one Hindu temple (which was still being constructed) and one Mosque very exotic and perfect recipies for his photography collection. So he made me pose coyly in front of these structures and clicked away to glory. I was particularly shaken up when while posing with a very oriental Namaste in front of the Mosque, I saw a guy driving a bike look at me very suspiciously. He wore an Osmania University jacket and seemed to belong to our friend Minoo's community, but I'd rather leave it at that.

Peter Steinberg: Do you have any idea what toilet paper feels like in Egypt?

- Three to Tango (1999)

After depositing all our belongings at the 'Free Counters', we snaked our way up to the top of the hillock. I assumed my self-righteous avataar and put on tikas of an unknown white and a red powder on both Dwoss and my foreheads. Dwoss almost protested but then probably got excited about the exoticism of this whole experience and gave in. The place is actually quite clean and nice. On our way up, we again spotted the hideous looking BSNL building which is a monstrosity, and the pathetic RBI - which Dwoss had protested vehemently on seeing earlier on our way here, saying it should not have been approved to house such an important financial institution. (I must clarify that now that he is in the world of finance himself, he takes such things very personally).Nevertheless, he had made me pose in front of it too.

We talked about this thing and that, and went for the darshan of Shri Venkateshwara, one of my favourite deities. The priests had a regal ritual of placing a silver-looking crown on all disciples' heads and blessing them. I showed that to Dwoss, and he recalled that he had seen the same thing way back in '84 when he was a kid and the priests at Tirupathi had done the same thing to his brother and him.

We came out of the sanctum sanctorium and Dwoss was fast to spot a man distributing little bits of coconut as Prasadam. As always, he manageed a much more sumptious piece than poor me. On our way back, I had the rare opportunity of making Dwoss blush when I caught him red handed speaking to a female office colleague in a very amorous manner. Dwoss defied it all saying 'she is just a kid', but my sharp eye nevertheless caught the hint of infatuation lurking beneath the calm surface.

Max: [walking in on Lucy and Jude, who've just slept together] So that's how it is?

Jude: Yeah, that's how it is.

Max: Well, speaking as a brother, I think she could do better.

Lucy: Max! Get out!

- Across the Universe (2007)

While at the hill top, I had pointed towards the Prasad IMAX multiplex to Dwoss, and on learning that Beowulf was still being screened, he thankfully opted to go see it as he had missed it in Bombay. We decided to take an Auto Rickshaw to 'cut down on the time' and as usual I paid for the fare - though I barely could have anticipated the horror that was yet to hit me - Dwoss emotionally cornered me to cough up Rs.360/- to pay for both our tickets at IMAX. I had already seen Beowulf and the only reason I was doing so again was to give the poor soul some company, and instead of him offering to get mine the bloke made me do the honours. (He initially promised to pay me back, which as I had known with utmost certainty from the start - never happened.

Dwoss's legendary apetite overtook him again, and he gobbled some more food at Ohri's. Just to avoid making it obvious that I was furious on him, I had to pretend enjoying a small piece of Frankie and an indescribable cold drink made with Oreos.

I warned Dwoss before entering the theatre that he must check the 3D glasses given to him to ensure theree were no scratches on the glasses. When the trailer for that film Snowman and something started, Dwoss started resorting to his characteristic experimentation, putting the 3D glasses over his Ray Ban sunglass (which has Polaroid lenses tailor made for his myopic eyes), at various outrageous angles, and after a moment shrieked to exclaim that his glasses were good enough to view the 3D effects!! No one can blame me for initially assuming that Dwoss's eyes were really in need of some urgent treatment, but when Dwoss forced me to put the glasses on - it was a shocking revelation. Indeed, you could see the 3D effects with his glasses! Though the sharpness of the 3D visuals was slightly better through the theatre glasses, the clarity was certainly better through Dwoss's.
He even found out that the effects went away when he tilted his head 90 degrees, after which as expected there was a lengthy sermon on the effects of polarization on glasses blah blah blah...

Neo: I thought it wasn't real
Morpheus: Your mind makes it real
Neo: If you're killed in the matrix, you die here?
Morpheus: The body cannot live without the mind

- The Matrix (1999)

After the film we were back to asking people for directions, we planned to explore either the Charminar or the Golconda Fort. As earlier, the s.p's of H'bad were at their service to give graphic descriptions on how to reach Gol. We walked till the other end of the bridge. Dwoss was very impressed with the tidy and clean stations of the Multi-modal Transport System (MMTS), so unlike the ones we have back home in dear old Kolkata. We waited for a bus for quite some time, but later felt too exhausted to attempt fighting our way up to any of them. WE decided it would be better if we ventured to see Gol that day and not Char. Being thirsty, I commited the cardinal sin of suggesting peeking into a big shop of sweets named 'Tiwari Sweets' right opposite - as soon as we entered Dwoss started suggesting we'd rather eat something. Raj Kachoris and Faloodas for each of us and along came a blow of yet another Rs.150/-, and I was again swindled of whatever little I was left with.

We bargained with an Auto to take us till Gol at Rs.45/-, imagining that it was a good deal. (Realisation would dawn on us only later on our return trip). I asked the driver to stop over at Mehdipatnam to let me buy some blank CDs as I had to copy a few movies Dwoss had kindly brought along for me - but the driver refused to do so stating it was a no parking zone. On the way, Dwoss dozed off at times, the poor kid must have started at an unearthly hour to catch a 4.45 flight. When we crossed the outer boundary of the Gol fort, it was interesting to note that many of the houses on the road seemed to be at a much lower level than the road itself. In fact, you'd have to step down to enter the first room which directly opens up to the road. Dwoss deduced that the road must have been constructed and raised much after the houses were built. Hyderabad's terrain sprinkled with huge and strong boulders, and the undulating landscape is in any case always intriguing to me.

The auto driver dropped us at Gol. We bought our entry tickets at Rs.5/- each. Almost immediately, we were swarmed with guides who promised us a lifetime experience and a memorable encounter with our glorious past etc.etc. While I was intelligent enough to ward them off saying that I myself was Dwoss's guide, the over-smart oaf egged me to listen to as mush of the information proffered for free by them while he made me yet again pose in front of a map of Gol. He'll never cease to be an opportunist.

Winifred Ames: Why Albania?

Conrad 'Connie' Brean: Why not?

Winifred Ames: What have they done to us?

Conrad 'Connie' Brean: What have they done FOR us? What do you know about them?

Winifred Ames: Nothing.

Conrad 'Connie' Brean: See? They keep to themselves. Shifty. Untrustable.

- Wag the Dog (1999)

We embarked our climb up the steps. A few foreign tourists were around, but the assault was from what appeared like some six hundred schools which had decided to bring their students for a trip today. The sheer cacophony and stampede would have ensured that the few remaining ghosts of the bygone eras would flee today. On top of this, Dwoss was hell-bent to demonstrate the super features of his SLR camera, by putting on some special lenses which apparently would make the blue sky appear bluer, the green grass greener and the fair him fairer. I was dumped with his mammoth rucksack and his monstrous camera to patiently await a perfect Kodak moment waiting for at least 50% of India's child population from the visiting schools (which was bustling at the precise spot he wanted me to shoot him) to go away and give me the opportunity to do so. I am now eagerly awaiting the results of my hard work, till he develops this roll.

While up on our way, I spotted a lovely structure - the remains of a huge and extremely tall archway -now lying in ruins. We were quite high up now, and adjacent to the top of the archway which led to a sharp fall to the depth below. My talented eye immediately spooted a fantastic photo opportunity, so I asked Dwoss to shoot me while I mounted on top of it. At the same time I received a call from my better half, and while I talked on the phone, I asked Dwoss to take the photo. Some people really harbour some very wrong notions about themselves. Mr Smarta$$ took a picture which in no way suggested the height of or the drop behind the spot where I stood - so much for a regular photographer!

Armand: What are you giving him drugs for? What the hell are Pirin tablets? Agador: It's aspirin with the "A" and the "S" scraped off.

Armand: My God, what a brilliant idea!

Agador: I know.

- The Birdcage (1996)

But Gol was over-all interesting. Of course, the usual disappointments are all over. Lack of maintenance, people who seem to be here more to enjoy a picnic than to connect with our past, and lack of interesting references and guides. Dwoss's supressed carnal desires were inadvertently revealed by him when he repeatedly hunted for the remains of the Queens' baths. Whenever any structure remotely resembling a ditch or a pool was seen, he'd jump up in joy to see it. Remnants of huge walls are scribbled with drawings of hearts and 'I Pintu love Polly' graphitis. One can only seek solace in imagining that two hundred years from now these very vandalisms will probably become relics indicating the past nature and characteristics of the human race which hopefully will be more civilized then.

You get a good view from the top. I had earlier spotted the Birla temple we had been to earlier today, far away in the horizon. Almost the whole city could be seen from here, and it brought back memories of the views I had seen of Udaipur and Jaisalmer from atop the palaces and forts there a little over a year back. Dwoss spotted the place where the Sound and light show is staged. A security guy started blowing a whistle at about five minutes to six indicating that we should now get up.

While on our way down, I embarked on a psychological evaluation of Dwoss by asking him to rate five people on a scale of one to ten if he was to be marooned with them in a deserted island etc. I must confess that the responses were quite interesting. While still on our way, we almost suddenly landed up at the Sound & Light show venue. I was extremely sceptical and repeatedly warned Dwoss that I did not feel it was such a good idea. But curiosity got the better of Dwoss (though he later tried to save face by claiming that he only wanted to sit awhile). Just before the show, we were shocked to hear some kind of buzzing hum - which we realized later was from a spraying contraption with which a guy enveloped the whole place with a thick layer of some poisonous insecticide which was expected to ward off mosquitoes! Thankfully the show began in some time, Amitabh Bachchan's booming voice narrated the history of Golconda, which after some time got quite confusing with us losing track of which king had usurped whom and was later assassinated by whom! Compounding matters were a string of ill-timed songs with which the show was generously garnished. Anyways, we did survive till the end. Since Dwoss had assumed that I'd make some arrangements for his stay, and as guests are not allowed in our accomodation centre, I had somehow managed to arrange an overnight stay for Dwoss at one of my acquaintances' place. We reached his place by auto, and I took their leave to sleep over at the acco.

Dwoss had kindly brought some VCDs for me - which though he apparently has no VCD players or computers to play them on, he has gleefully been buying over the years. Copying them was quite a time consuming thing, and it took me the better part of the night as well as some time in the morning. As a result, I had to defer our meeting in the morning by some time. Before starting though, I clearly explained to Dwoss where to meet. And as you may have guessed, he happily waited for me at a completely different place - claiming that was where he had been asked to wait. Immediately on meeting, he decided to visit another shady 'hotel' for re-fueling himself. this time he decided to go for South Indian delicacies, and allured me to try some vadas as well.

We decided it would be best to visit the Salarjung museum and the Charminar, instead of going to the Ramoji Film city - as the former was such an iconic representation of all that Hyderabad stands for. The sweetipies - and this time a really sweet one - escorted us on to a bus which took us to some intermediate spot, where interestingly when we asked for directions to four people they pointed at four diagonally opposite directions for our destination! Anyways, we managed to get an auto who took us to the Salarjung museum.

Just like at the Birla Mandir, Dwoss was disappointed that he would not be allowed to use his camera inside the museum. He rued that similar to the Museums in the west, we should allow photography but just prevent people from using the camera flashes. He kept his locker in a decent locker room where each visitor is given a dedicated locker.

The Salarjung museum is quite a big building. We started with an Art Gallery, and had the shocking revelation that Dwoss's polaroid glasses did the same trick here as yesterday - to our utter surprise, all the vintage paintings of kings and princes in regal attire, appeared shockingly 3-D when we saw them through Dwoss' polaroid sun shades!!! there was no mistaking it, and to add to our surprise were certain other objects on exhibition were all amazingly

Strawberry Clouds' trysts with Destiny!

At Golconda Fort

Sealing Wax in Salarjung with the sweetipies of Hyderabad!